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My First Wedding Anniversary as a Divorcée

Happy new moon in Taurus 2023! I'm feeling more inspired than ever so buckle up for this word-vomit of a blog.

As many of you know, I got divorced last year - I mean - I'm sure many of you bitches are here to collect some tea. Unfortunately.. this isn't that, BUT you could check these out in case there's another flavor of tea you'd prefer.

Anyway, I got married on May 18, 2019. Today, while I'm writing this, would have been our fourth-year anniversary. However, due to circumstances, we did not make it. I'm not gonna lie, when I filed for divorce, and once it was finalized, there was a part of me that wondered how I would feel today. How I would feel on the day that I was supposed to be celebrating what once was the most beautiful, most important day of my life.

This morning, and frankly this week, the significance of today's date, weighed very little on me. It didn't even hit me that today's date was one that would have previously been celebrated. I woke up this morning, just like any other morning, I ate breakfast, and it wasn't until I was on my way to work that I remembered. And, it's not to say that this date didn't once hold significance in my life, but I think that the reality of what transpired today serves as great symbolism that I have gone through immense healing since the divorce was finalized.

I'm happy to report that what I believed I would never heal from is behind me. I'm not trying to minimize the amount of pain, amount of heartache, and the amount of emptiness I felt during the divorce proceedings - because that's far from the truth. However, I am trying to celebrate the strong, amazing, resilient woman I am today.

My life has been a healing journey for decades since I was in first grade. Yes, I know that my problems are mostly first world problems, and I'm very fortunate for that, but they're still problems. There was once in my life when I was afraid of being in my own thoughts by myself, afraid of dying alone, afraid of facing problems alone. The thought of being divorced would have frightened me many years ago. I had a timeline for my life. Get married at 23. Have children at 25. But. Silly me couldn't have anticipated the shit show that occurred.

I am more than content with my life the way it is now. If you know me, you know that my relationship consisted of a lot a lot of long distance. 2/3 of our marriage was long distance. And, in retrospect, I'm happy it turned out that way because it served as a trial run for what was to become my single life. I was able to heal alone. I was able to do things alone. I was able to face problems alone. I'd go to restaurants alone. I'd travel alone. It really set me up for the healthy mindset in which I am today.

Since my divorce, I've bought my first home alone. I've taken my first week-long solo trip to Hawaii. I've explored myself sexually - which is wonderful because, in case you don't remember: trauma. And. I've opened myself to the idea of love once again (shh). I'm so happy. Haters might say that me repeating such over and over is just me trying to convince myself and others (cue in gif)..

.. but seriously. I feel so fortunate because what I once thought would be a nightmare of a day was just a regular one.

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